The older I get, the more I realize I have no idea what I am talking about. Waiiiiiit, what?

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I think, officially, this is my 4th blog. I had one somewhere back in 2003, then there was the myspace blog, which I wrote in pretty frequently from 2004 to 2007, then I tried livejournal on facebook here and there, and now we have this. During the "myspace blog years", I found blogging to be therapeutic and I did it quite often (but, to be fair, I was single, living at home and had a job that could best be described as "leisurely", so it was easier to write more.) Now I am married with a four month old daughter and a full time job that could best be described as "a time management nightmare", so not so much with the blogging.  So much has happened though, that I am trying to promise myself that I will FIND TIME to do this on a regular basis. I guess, it would be helpful, to have a statement of what is going on at the present, simply as a starting point (though I would guess that anyone reading this may already know these things). Four months ago, our daughter Quinn was born. It was an amazing experience. She is an amazing (and feisty) little creature who we are in constant awe of. Exactly three months after she was born, my niece Ellie was born sleeping. It has been an incredibly heartbreaking experience that I almost don't feel right writing about. For as much as I grieve for Ellie, it is but a fraction of what my sister and her husband grieve, and that is incredible. More incredible, is the way they are dealing with all of it, with more grace and courage than I could ever imagine. We are giving them as much love and support as we can, but truly they are leading us through this, whether they realize it or not. And as we are experiencing this, Quinn is growing and changing at an exponential pace (as babies do), so I find myself almost with a split personality. Half of me is heartbroken and grieving, and the other half is experiencing the joy of first time motherhood. This is a concept I struggle to understand, how the greatest joy and the greatest sadness happen at the same time in your heart, and in life in general. The first time I experienced this was when my Grandmother Ellie (who my niece is named after) got sick and died. That happened during the first few months of Jamie and I's relationship, when we were all giddy and falling in love and making lists of names for our future kids. I didn't understand how I could be so happy and so sad all at once, it had never occurred to me this was possible. Up until then, it was one or the other, never both at once. I would guess that this theme will come up a lot here. That and my newfound penchant for putting the salad in the freezer. That's a different story though, I'm sure we'll get there eventually. Till next time...

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